Calvin at Camp: The ProducEds
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: In a parody of The Producers, Eddy tries to pull off the perfect scam, this one being a musical. Edd nervously helps.
1. A Foolproof Scam

It was a normal afternoon in camp. Like most afternoons, Eddy had set up a new scam, this one being a library scam. Calvin and Hobbes waited intently outside.

(Sung to the tune of "Opening Night")

Calvin and Hobbes: **_Eddy's new scam  
It's Eddy's new scam  
Once again they've set up a booth  
Is it real or not the truth?  
The kids are taking their final looks  
Regretting their money that Eddy took  
They're walking out now, they're on their way...  
Let's hear what they have to say! _**

(The kids stomp out)

Kids: **_He's done it again  
He's done it again  
Looks like Eddy has done it again!  
We can't believe it_**

**_You can't conceive it..._**  
Charlie Brown: **_How'd he achieve it? _**

Kids: **_It's the worst scam he's done!  
_**

_**We walked through sighing  
Groaning and crying  
There's no denying  
It's the worst scam (not fun!)**_

Girls: **_Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss... _**  
Boys: **_We've seen junk... _**  
Kids: **_But never like this! _**

_**Yes, that Eddy has done it again!  
The price was rotten  
The books were stinkin'  
What he did to reading  
Booth did to Lincoln!**_

Rolf kicked over a sign advertizing the scam. "In Rolf's old country, we have a saying for this...BAD! If Rolf's Nana knew he fell for this 'reading hole' you have, she would put Rolf through the meat grater!"

Kids: **_We couldn't leave faster..._**  
Calvin and Hobbes: **_What a disaster! _**  
Kids: **_So much for money_**  
Nazz: **_I feel bad for Double D_**  
Kids: **_'Cause this scam was made by that jerk Eddy!_**

_**What a bum!**_

Their song finished, the kids started to walk to the pool. Calvin and Hobbes lingered behind and met the Eds.

"Sorry about that, guys," said Hobbes. "Did they take your money?"

"All of it," sighed Eddy. "What losers!"

"Really, Eddy," reasoned Edd, "you can't blame them for being disappointed by what we've done. I mean, all you did was scribble on some paper and try to then pass it off as a book! You didn't even write words!"

"Eh, I was rushed."

"I liked their song!" cried Ed.

"Who asked you?" snapped Eddy. Ed looked sad and walked away.

Calvin looked slightly sympahetic. "Well, all I can say is...I'm glad I'm not you guys! Ha ha!" Calvin and Hobbes ran away. Edd and Eddy followed them, heading for the pool with the other kids.

"You know what I always wanted to do?" smiled Edd. "A musical! It would be so much fun to be a Broadway producer! Picking the play, the director, the actors, raising the money..."

Eddy suddenly became interested. "What was that?"

"The money! You get people to give you money for the show!"

"You GET people to GIVE you money!" Eddy could barely believe what he was hearing!

"But you must be careful," continued Edd. "Say you raised twenty dollars and only used ten, you would have ten dollars left."

"So?"

"That would be illegal, and you could be arrested. Of course, I doubt anyone would care about a few dollars. No, to do that kind of thing right, you would have to make an awful play no one would be interested in, and raise lots of money...and only use a tiny bit."

Eddy's brain clicked into action. "So for this scam to work, we need to put on a guaranteed flop!"

"Scam?"

"Yeah! We raise the money, put on a bad play, and keep the rest! You're a genius, Double D!"

"I appreciate that, but I had no plan. It was all hypothetical."

"Oh, come on!" Eddy broke into song:

_**We can do it, we can do it  
We can do it, me and you  
We can do it, we can do it  
We can make our dreams come true  
A simple fraud on Broadway  
Is all I wanna make  
A really bad play, why, we could do it today  
Just roll some dice, and do it nice  
They won't know it's fake**_

Edd: No!

Eddy: Hey! Here me out!

(They are now outside in the line of kids. Edd runs down the block, followed by Eddy)

Eddy: **_We can do it, we can do it  
This will be our grand-slam  
We can do it, you won't rue itNo one will think of us as ham  
The kids will be mad, and that'll be bad  
So we'll soon be on the lam  
But we can do it, we can do it  
We'll pull off the perfect scam!  
_**What do you say, Double D?

Edd: **_What do I say  
Finally a chance to be a Broadway producer  
What do I say?  
Finally a chance to make my dreams come true, sir  
What do I say, what do I say  
Here's what I say to you, sir..._**

_**I can't do it, I can't do it  
I can't do it, that's not me  
The kids will get us, and I'll bet us  
They'll beat us real easy  
When it comes to rigging stage shows  
There's a few things that I lack  
My body is filled with a whole lot of guilt  
The kids will come, and I'll feel dumb**_

**_And we'll get attacked!  
_**"Oh, come on!" insisted Eddy as they entered the pool building. "I can't pull this off without you! I don't know a thing about the stage! All I know is cash equals jawbreakers...and I want them now!"

(Edd runs through the locker room, still being chased)

Eddy: **_We can do it  
We can do it  
We can grab that holy grail!  
We can do it  
We can do it_**

_**True, the kids will be on our tail  
Oh, Double D  
Why can't you see**_

Edd: **_You see candy, but we'll get nailed_**

(Edd jumps onto a flotation device in the pool and frantically paddles away. Eddy follows him, riding on Ed)  
Eddy: **_We can do it! _**  
Edd: **_I can't do it! _**  
Eddy: **_We can do it! _**

Edd:**_ I can't do it!_**

Eddy: **_We can do it! _**  
Edd: **_I can't do it! _**  
Eddy: **_We can do it! _**

Edd: **_I can't do it!_**

Eddy:**_ We can..._**

Edd:**_ I cannot, cannot, cannot do it_**

_**For I know it's sure to fail**_

"Fail? How can it fail? You're the only guy who knows about this whole raising money thing!"

Edd ignored Eddy and walked back into the locker room. "I won't do it!"

Eddy: **_We can do it_**

_**I know...**_

Edd: **_It's sure to fail!_**

Eddy sat down in disgust. "Aww...why does this always happen to me?" He looked into the sky and screamed in anguish. "I WANT THAT MONEY!"


	2. Edd's Fantasy

Edd sighed and walked into the locker room through a line of showers. He felt bad for Eddy but fraud simply wasn't him. Eddy would survive. As Edd was leaving the locker room, he was suddenly grabbed by Moe who was also beating up Calvin, Jason, and Marcus. He held the four nerds in one giant hand while the other one was a giant fist. "Hey, twinkie."

"Wasn't I twinkie?" squeaked Calvin.

"You're all twinkies!" grunted Moe.

"Oh dear," sighed Edd.

"I'm still amazed at how big his hands are," Jason pointed out.

Jason, Marcus, Edd, Calvin: **_Unhappy...unhappy..very unhappy  
Unhappy...unhappy...  
Very very very very very  
Very very unhappy _**

Marcus: **_Oh, I get punched all the morning  
And I sting all the evening  
Until those wounds go away_**

Jason, Edd, Calvin: **_Until those wounds go away_**  
Edd: **_Constantly, I get beatings_**

**_It's painful and bad_**  
(Jason, Marcus, Calvin: **_Unhappy_**)

_**So where is my life leading**_

_**It's painful and sad**_

(Jason, Marcus, Calvin: **_Unhappy_**)

**_I have a secret desire  
Hiding deep in my soul  
It sets my heart afire  
To see me in this role..._**

(Everything disappears as Edd enters a fantasy. He appears in a Broadway-looking version of the locker room, with lights and everything. Edd is now in a tux and tophat, dancing with a cane)

**_I want to be a producer  
With a hit show on Broadway  
I want to be a producer  
Songs in my head everyday  
I want to be a producer  
Sport a top hat and a cane  
I want to be a producer  
And drive those chorus girls insane!_** (Oh my...where did that come from?)

(The lockers open up. Nazz chorus girls dance out. One looks like Marie Kanker)

_**I want to be a producer  
And sleep until half-past two  
I want to be a producer  
And say, "You, you, you, not you"**_

(The Marie chorus girl leaves)**_I want to be a producer  
Wear a tux on opening nights!  
I want to be a producer  
And see my name "Double D" in lights! _**

Nazz Chorus: **_He wants to be a producer  
Of a great big Broadway smash  
He wants to be a producer  
Ev'ry pocket stuffed with cash  
He wants to be a producer  
Never get punched and say "ouch"  
He wants to be a producer  
With a great big casting couch! _**

Edd: **_I want to be... _**  
Nazz Chorus: **_He wants to be... _**  
Edd: **_I want to be... _**  
Nazz Chorus: **_He wants to be... _**  
Edd: **_I want to be the greatest, grandest_**

**_And most fabulous producer in the world _**  
Nazz Chorus: **_He wants to be a producer_**

**_He wants to dine with a duchess and a duke _**  
Edd: **_I just have to be a producer_**

**_Never make a bad show or fluke_**  
Nazz Chorus: **_No more bad shows or flukes_**  
Edd: **_I want to be a producer_**

_**Show the world just what I've got  
And I will put on shows  
That will enthrall 'em **_

All: **_Read my name in Winchell's column! _**  
Edd: **_I want to be a producer..._**

(Everything flashes back to reality as Edd gets punched in the face)

**_For it's everything I'm not _**  
Jason, Marcus, Calvin: **_Unhappy...unhappy..._**

_**So unhappy  
Very very very very very very very...  
Sad **_

Edd: **_I want to be a producer_**...Wait a moment! Look at me getting beaten up like this!

"We're looking," grumbled Calvin as he was punched. "So what?"

"There's more to me than there is to me! Moe, look in that mirror!"

Moe dropped the boys and saw his reflection. "That fellow thinks he's stronger that you," Edd informed him."

"I'll kill him!"

Moe was about to punch the mirror when Edd calmly pulled it away. Moe ended up punching the wall. He screeched and stumbled into the hallway.

"My," said Edd. "That was more simple than I thought it would be. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have a friend to see!"

(The room lights up again as Edd runs out)

_**Soon I will be a producer  
Sound the horn and beat the drum  
Soon I will be a producer  
Look out Eddy, here I come!**_

Jason, Marcus, Calvin: **_Eddy, here he comes! _**

"Now that he's gone, what do we do?" asked Jason.

"Let's be in our own musical!" cried Calvin. "**_If I were a rich man..._**"

Eddy was sadly walking through the showers on his way out of the locker room when Edd ran over. "Eddy, you were right! I want to help you!"

Eddy brightened up. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"

Fro no reason, Ed dropped in from the sky. "And I will preform on the drums! Call me Dr. Worm!"

Edd stared. "I have no idea where he keeps coming from."

Eddy: Who cares? **_We can do it_**

(Edd: **_Soon I will be a producer_**)

_**We can do it  
Without this guy, I'd be dead**_

(Edd: **_Soon I will be a producer_**)

_**We can do it**_

_**Nothing to it**_

Edd and Eddy: **_Who knows what lies ahead_**

(Ed runs around turning on all the showers. He then stands behind them spitting out water, giving the illusion of being a fountain)

_**With our brilliance**_

_**Our resilience**_

_**And we'll always use our heads**_

_**We were fated to be mated**_

**_We're a pair of screaming Eds!_**

**_

* * *

_**"I Wanna Be a Producer" was made a bit more politically correct, to keep the K+ rating. The "We Can Do It Reprise" was in the Broadway show and the movie, but not on the soundtrack.

Also, a note on Hobbes being seen. He is only seen by Calvin, the Eds (makes stories easier), Johnny (who already has Plank, Jason and Marcus (just olderversions of Calvin) and Snoopy (it makes sense).


	3. Step 1: Find the Play

The next morning, Eddy and Edd sat in Eddy's old hangout, a broken men's bathroom. With them were stacks and stacks of scripts.

"Step one: find the worst play ever written," explained Eddy.

"Yes, yes, I know," grumbled Edd from under a pile of scripts. "However, we've made an error. These are all decent plays!"

Eddy flipped through one. "Wait, here's a stupid one. These kids go to a fairly land with some flying guy and there are dumb pirates."

"Please demean great literature somewhere else. Ah, here's a good one...and by good I mean bad. 'The Murder Room.' High school material at best."

Edd threw the script back into the pile. "Nah, it's too good!"

Ed suddenly popped out of a Mario book. "I'm a little gluestick, short and stout! Fresh from the Mushroom Kingdom and cute as a pickle!" You see, using a choose your own adventure book, Calvin had figured out a portal into the Nintendo video game world. Unfortunately, those monsters could also come out.

"What?"

"I sent him to the video game world to pick up plays there," said Edd, "assuming that pixalized characters were not decent writers."

"Even these are good!" whined Eddy. "Hey, someone wrote a tragedy...'Tears of a Waddle Dee.'"

"Curses," moaned Edd, "at this rate we'll never find anything! Even this 'Super Mario Bros. Super Show' screenplay may have some promise! And that show was one of the worst executed ones in history!"

Eddy suddnely sat up, wide-eyed. "Wait..." he said quietly, his voice now rising. "Wait...I found something!"

"You did!"

Eddy was hysterically happy now. "See it! Smell it!"

Edd lightly sniffed the playbook. "I don't know where it's been..."

"Touch it!" continued Eddy. "Kiss it!"

"Now that I've caressed your script, what is it?"

Eddy happily opened the book. "'Springtime For Bowser!' A tribute to the Koopa King himself!"

"According to the Internet, Bowser Koopa has many fans."

"Not the guys at this camp!" raved Eddy. Remember when they thought a terrorist in a Koopa costume was trying to destroy the camp? Besides, I've heard Kevin talking! He and the others always have a hard time on the boss levels! They can't stand Bowser!"

"How interesting. Who wrote it?"

"Ludwig Von Koopa. We should talk to him."

"Never!" gasped Edd. "He almost killed us!"

"Look," reasoned Eddy, "he'll be happy when he hears we want to do his play! Now, let's go!"

"Can I come?" smiled Ed, who had made a little fort out of the piles of scripts.

"NO!"

Ed started to cry. "But, Eddy, I am a good boy! I am in my happy place!"

Eddy sighed. "Fine, you can be our...secretary." Ed smiled and danced away. Edd and Eddy started walking into a Mario book. "Well," Edd sighed, "if it's what I must do..."

Both: **_We're gonna be the producers_**

_**And we'll make it to the top**_

_**We're gonna be the producers**_

_**Of a big fat Broadway flop!**_


	4. Dancing

Ludwig Von Koopa was sadly sitting on the Castle's balcony, overlooking his home, Darkland.

(Sung to the tune of "Old Bavaria")

Ludwig: **_Oh, how I miss the swipes and pipes and snipes of good old Pipe Maze  
Oh, it's such bliss to kiss the bliss I miss like this in good old Pipe Maze  
Oh, the secrets and dungeons and no sky  
Not to mention hordes of beetles passing by...  
Bring a tear to every single Koopa eye  
In old...I'm talking old...good old Pipe Maze_**

"Mr. Von Koopa?" Edd and Eddy stepped out.

Ludwig snapped and growled at the kids. "YOU TWO! You humans have driven King Dad nuts! Prepare to die!" He raised his magic wand and started for the boys.

"Wait!" cried Eddy. "Your dad's the reason we're here!"

Ludwig continued stomping forward. "Are you threatening him!"

Edd cowered in fear, unsure of what to do or where to run. "Please! We want to produce your play!"

Ludwig stopped and put his wand down. "You...you mean 'Springtime For Bowser?' Really?"

Eddy smiled. "Yeah, it's great and full of...uh..."

"Action!" finished Edd.

"And great bits of Koopa...fun," continued Eddy.

Ludwig appeared to be considering this. "Well, I'll let you do it on one condition. You see, I love music, and if you dance well, you can put on the play!"

"I see no logic in that at all!" protested Edd.

"Shut up!" snapped Eddy. "We're ready, Koopa!"

Music began as Ludwig went into some odd dance moves. "Alright, you asked for it...ONE! TWO! THREE!"

(To the tune of "Guten Tag Hop-Clop")

Ludwig: **_Koop-a-doop hop hlop  
Koop-a-doop clop clop  
Koopa Troopa  
And oh boy!  
Koop-a-doop clap clap  
Koop-a-doop slap slap  
Paratroopa  
What a joy!_**

_**Oh, dancing and prancing  
And scaling and flailing  
Scaling and failing  
But never we're failing  
Everybody!**_

(Edd and Eddy awkwardly dance along)

All: **_Koop-a-doop hop hop  
Koop-a-doop clop clop... _**

Ludwig: **_Koop-a-doop  
And doopy-ploop  
So we koop our koops  
And we doop our doops  
And we loop through hoops  
'Til we're pooped!_**

The dance went on for a while. The Eds found themselves hopping in every direction, even jumping off walls. A few plants popped out of some pipes and growled along in beat to the music. Finally, Ludwig stopped. "Boys, I like your dancing! You may produce the play!"

"Really?" cried Edd.

"Don't say that!" hissed Eddy. "He might change his mind!"

Ludwig frowned. "But you must first swear never to dishonor the name of King Bowser Koopa!"

Eddy headed back. "Yeah, sure, whatever! Let's go, Double D! We've got a director to find!"

"Finally!" smiled Ludwig, watching the boys disappear. "Even if they're humans,

they want MY play!  
**_We're koopin' and doopin'  
And floopin' and loopin'  
Through hoops  
'Til we're pooped  
_**KING DAD'S GONNA BE PROUD!

* * *

Well, of course I wasn't about to put in Nazism in my story! 


	5. The Happy Director

The next stop Edd and Eddy had was right next to their mens' bathroom...the ladies' bathroom. According to Eddy, they could find their director within the confines of this bright area.

"Eddy, we shouldn't be here!" insisted Edd as they walked in. "It's so...pink and so...femminine!"

"I'm doing whatever it takes, sockhead!" Eddy shot back.

"Oh, dear."

Sarah was waiting for them, sulking against a sink. She called into a stall. "JIMMY! The stupid Eds are here!"

Jimmy strolled out as Edd and Eddy stared. The little boy was wearing a wedding dress. "Hello, gentlemen!" Jimmy squealed happily in his silly high-pitched voice. "You wanted to see me?"

Edd awkwardly turned to his friend. "Eddy..."

Eddy smiled, pretending that nothing was wrong. "Shut up! I know!"

Edd still looked nervous, trying not to look directly at Jimmy's...attire. "This is awkward..."

"Excuse my dress," laughed Jimmy. "I'm planning on directing a play about a wedding and my costume girls were rather busy. How do I look?"

Edd forced a grin onto his face. "You look...nice. Like a...bride."

"Don't suck up!" growled Sarah. "Jimmy knows he's naked without his veil."

Jimmy blushed modestly. "Thank you, Sarah, but these boys must have good taste!"

Not knowing what else to do, Eddy finally cut to the chase. "So, did you get a chance to read 'Springtime For Bowser?'"

"I devoured it!" cried Jimmy. "I was too excited to sleep! Also, I was afraid there was a Koopa under my bed."

Edd smiled. Perhaps things would go well after all. "Well, it certainly sounds like it spoke to you."

"Will you do it?" asked Eddy.

Jimmy laughed. "Of course not!"

_**The theater's so obsessed**_

_**With dramas so depressed  
It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway  
Shows should be more pretty  
Shows should be more witty  
Shows should be more...  
What's the word? **_

Edd: Gay?  
Jimmy: Exactly!

**_No matter what you do on the stage  
Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay!  
Whether it's murder, mayhem or rage  
Don't complain, it's a pain  
Keep it gay! _**

Sarah: **_People want laughter when they see a show_**

**_The last thing they're after's a litany of woe _**  
Both: **_A happy ending will pep up your play... _**  
Sarah: **_No one will die_**  
Jimmy: **_So no one will cry_**

_**Keep it gay! **_

Sarah: **_Keep it gay... _**  
Both: **_Keep it gay! _**

Eddy: But we need your genius!

Jimmy: Aren't you the polite one! Well, flattery always won me over. I'll ask my crew. This is my set designer, Patty.

Patty: **_Keep it glad, keep it mad, keep it gay! _**  
Jimmy: And here's my costume designer, Violet.  
Violet: Hello...**_Keep it happy, keep it snappy, keep it gay! _**  
Patty and Violet: **_We're clever, creative_**

_**It's our job to see**_

_**That ev'rything's perfect for our boss, Jimmy! **_

Jimmy: Next, Frieda, my choreographer...  
Frieda: Hi there...  
(Frieda dances, showing off her naturally curly hair)  
Jimmy: And, ah, finally, last and least, my lighting designer, Lucy Van Pelt.  
Lucy (sarcastically):**_ Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay_**

Jimmy: Now, they've all read the script. What did you think, ladies?

Violet:**_ It's plot was too weak_**

Patty: **_It needs songs_**

Lucy: **_And less freaks_**

Sarah: **_And so the rule is when mounting a play_**

Violet, Patty, Lucy, Sarah, Frieda: **_Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay_**

Edd and Eddy huddled together in a corner where the kids couldn't hear them. "We're not getting through to him, Eddy! He won't sign our contract!"

Eddy pushed Edd over to Jimmy. "He doesn't like me...you talk to him!"

"Me? But I...I...Jimmy, I'm sure that you'd be perfect for the play!"

Jimmy turned away grumpily. "I've already said no! I've even said it through song! Now get out!"

"You can't do this, you little..." started Eddy, before he was shoved towards to the door by Sarah. "You heard the man! MOVE IT!"

"Jimmy!" called Eddy. "Think of the fame! You'll be a star!"

Jimmy looked up. "A...star?"

"Yes," added Edd, "and think of the Tony!"  
Lucy, Frieda, Violet, Patty: **_Tony...Tony...Tony...Tony...Tony! _**  
Jimmy: Wait! I have an idea! A vision of wonders is right before my eyes!

_**I see a line of bunnies so cute  
Dressed as Koopa Troops, each one quite nice  
With funny ears and tails of fluff  
It's risque, but I say, take my advice!**_

Lucy, Frieda, Violet, Patty, Sarah: Love it!  
Jimmy: **_I see a whole army dancing along_**

_**Played by chorus boys and singing a song  
And wait, there's more: they win their war!  
And the dances they do will be daring and new  
Turn-turn-kick-turn, turn-turn-kick-turn  
One-two-three-kick-turn!  
Keep it sassy, keep it classy, keep it... **_

Eddy: Brilliant! That's brilliant! A real moneymaker! Sign here to do it!

Jimmy: Well...I should think about this first. I'll do it. **_I'LL DO IT!_** Snoopy, bring out

some milk and cookies!

(Snoopy dances out)  
Snoopy: It pays, okay?

All: **_If at the end you want them to cheer_**

_**Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay  
Whether it's Hamlet, Othello or Lear  
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay**_

Jimmy: **_Comedy's joyous, a director's dream_**

**_Dramas annoy us... _**  
Sarah: **_And they make me scream!_**  
Patty, Frieda, Violet, Snoopy: **_So keep your Strindbergs and Ibsens at bay...  
_**Jimmy: **_I'll sign... _**  
Sarah: **_Sign... _**  
Frieda: **_Sign... _**  
Violet: **_Sign... _**  
Patty: **_Sign... _**  
Lucy: **_Sign... _**  
Edd, Eddy, Snoopy: **_Sign!_**  
Jimmy (signing): Jimmy, director extraordinaire!  
All: **_Keep it gay!_**

Jimmy: CONGA, EVERYONE!  
All: **_And so the rule is when mounting a play_**

_**Keep it gay...keep it gay**_

**_KEEP IT GAY!_**

**_

* * *

_**Jimmy just seemed best suited for the role. I'm not coming out and saying anything...the series made it bluntly obvious, anyway. 


	6. Girls, Girls, Girls!

Edd and Eddy managed to conga their way out and finally collapsed in the sanctity of their own male bathroom.

"Let's never go back there!" Eddy managed to say. "Ever!"

Edd threw some water on himself. "I agree, but was a truly educational experience...one I shall never forget."

Eddy held up his contract he had Jimmy sign. "Well, the important thing is, we've got the stuff. This is good for one day."

Edd started for the bathroom door. "What a day it's been...camp is almost over and father may be waiting to give me a ride home."

Just as Edd opened the door, Ed burst inside. "I'm a good secretary! I replaced the soap with gravy! Or maybe it was butter." Ed shoved Eddy under a soap dispenser and poured the contents out on him. "Yup, it's gravy."

Eddy wiped himself off. "I'm gonna kill you!"

"I knew this would happen," Edd rolled his eyes. "Luckily, I put out an advertizement for a proper secretary, not that we actually need one."

At that moment Nazz walked in. "Like, is it okay if I talk to you?"

Everything came to a halt. Ed ran for cover in a stall while Edd and Eddy completely froze up, as they always did when Nazz was around.

Nazz didn't appear to notice and continued talking. "See, I wanted a job, and I saw that Double D put out an advertizement, so..."

There was a long pause.

"I love you, Double D," whispered Eddy.

Nazz smiled. "Uh, am I hired?"

This was followed by a longer pause. Edd and Eddy finally blurted a word out: "YES!"

"Awesome!" cried Nazz and hugged them both. If it was possible to die by sweat, Edd and Eddy would have been goners. Nazz just smiled again. "What do I do?"

Edd found his words. "Well, I've rigged up some tin can phone systems. If anyone calls, answer it."

"Yeah," said Eddy, "and do it like this...'Eddy and Double D! Eddy and Double D!'"

"Eddy and Double D! Eddy and Double D!" practiced Nazz.

"Perfect." smiled Eddy.

The sun was setting as Eddy and Edd walked down the Cul-De-Sac. They reached Edd's house.

"Look," Eddy said when they got there, "you've been a good partner so far, but you may be too weak to do our next errand. I can't have the brains of this die, so I'm going off myself."

"Where and what are you doing and going?"

Eddy looked terrified. "I'm raising the money...at the Park 'n Flush."

"The trailer park!" gasped Edd.

"I don't know why or how, but the Kankers are loaded," explained Eddy. "I'm off to meet my destiny."

"That was surprisingly poetic."

"Put it one my gravestone." Eddy turned away and walked into the darkening forest towards the Kankers' home.

Eddy: **_The time has come  
To be a lover from the Argentine  
To slick my hair down with Brilliantine  
And gargle heavily with Listerine  
Oy!  
It's time for me  
To go to dangerous territory  
The bravest thing I've done in history  
So much for all fame and glory_**

_**  
They were mateless  
They were dateless  
Then along came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy  
They were joyless  
They were boyless  
Then along came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy  
They're disturbing  
And they're creepy  
Yet I keep those embers aglow  
Always haunt me  
Always want me  
Well, I cast my spell 'n'  
They start yellin'  
Eddy's on the go!**_

_**  
They were listing  
It's depressing  
Then along came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy  
They were desperate  
And repressing  
Then along came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy**_

_**  
So romantic  
They were frantic  
Then their prayers were heard up above!  
Heaven sent them  
Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy  
I'm the celebration of love! **_

By this time, Eddy was right outside the Kankers' trailer. He could smell something inside that was almost as disgusting and musty as Ed's basement. Timidly, he knocked on the Kankers' (for some reason, quite sticky) door.

"It's our boyfriend!" cried May Kanker as she opened it. The other two Kankers, Marie and Lee, rushed over. "Let's kiss him!"

"Wait!" cried Eddy, knowing there was no way out. "If you guys give me...one hundred bucks...I'll stay as long as you want."

Lee thought for a moment. "Five hours. Take it or leave it."

"I should have sent Double D..."

Kankers: **_We were listing  
It's depressing  
Then along came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy  
We were desperate  
And repressing  
Then along came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy_**

_**  
So romantic  
We were frantic  
Then our prayers were heard up above!  
It's our Eddy  
Hail our Eddy  
He's the culmination  
The restoration  
The consummation  
The titillation  
Ejaculation  
He's the celebration of love!**_

Eventually, after five long hours of love and torture had passed Eddy staggered out and crawled back to Edd's house. "Double D..." he weakly called. "Double D...I got it...I've raised the money..."

"You have!"

Realizing what he'd just said, Eddy snapped back to normal "Hey! I have! Now all we gotta do is put on the biggest flop in Broadway history!"

"That's great!"

Edd and Eddy: **_We can do it_**

_**We can do it**_

_**We can make our dreams come true**_

"Eddy and Double D!" Nazz called into her tin can phone. "Eddy and Double D! The show's a go!" Upon hearing this, everyone began to sing at once, even people who weren't important to the plot.

Jimmy and Sarah: **_He raised the money_**

_**We're on our way**_

_**Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay!**_

_**We have our backing**_

_**Oh, what a day**_

_**Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay!**_

_**Wonders of wonders, we have all our cash**_

_**Blundering blunders, we should have a smash**_

Nazz: **_Eddy and Double D..._**

Kankers: **_Along came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy!_**

Edd and Eddy: **_We can do it!_**

Ludwig: **_Do the Koopa_**

_**Rip the Koopa**_

Jimmy and Sarah: **_Gay, gay, gay, gay!_**

Ed: **_When you stub your toe and it hurts you know_**

_**Friends are there to help you!**_

Charlie Brown and Linus: **_Champion Charlie Brown!_**

_**That has a lovely ring!**_

Calvin and Hobbes: **_I really want to be king!_**

Jason and Marcus: **_Link, he came to town_**

_**He came to save**_

_**The Princess Zelda**_

Eddy: HEY! Stop the singing! This is our song!

Edd and Eddy: **_With our brilliance_**

_**Our resilience**_

_**And we'll always use our heads**_

Eddy: WE CAN'T MISS!

All: **_They were fated to be mated_**

Eddy and Edd: **_We're a pair of screaming Eds!_**

**_

* * *

_**The "Along Came Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy" song was written for an episode about sleds that was never finished. It was to be sang by Edd. The part where everyone sings a random song at the end is based on the Act 1 Finale, and eggagerated.

Yes, I cut "When You've Got It, Flaunt It." It just didn't seem like a Nazz song, and altering the lyrics would have been useless.


	7. Casting

The next morning, Edd and Eddy walked into the men's bathroom to find the entire place had been painted white. Even the already white toilets and sink had a fresh coat. The broken urinal had even been fixed.

"What idiot did this!" fumed Eddy.

Nazz walked in. "Like it? I decided to clean the place up and it needed a new paint job."

Eddy froze up again. "You...you? This is great! Nice and white! Yep...well, I'm off to count money."

"Right," agreed Edd, "I suppose I'll stay in here and take care of various other things such as audition schedules, and perhaps help Nazz out."

Eddy thought he was catching onto Edd's plan. "Oh, I see what you're doing! You wanna hang out with Nazz."

"Honestly, I just want to clean," admitted Edd. "Also, she's standing a few feet away from you."

Embarrassed, Eddy ran. Edd turned back to Nazz. "Sorry about him, Nazz. I must say, there's nothing in the world as rare as a clean bathroom. You've outdone yourself! It's almost as beautiful as you! ...did I just say that out loud?"

"I think you did."

"Oh my..."

"Are you okay, Double D?"

"I can't say I am...I just..." without another word, Edd bolted into a stall and slammed the door behind him. He collapsed onto a toilet. "What am I doing? Her immense beauty and cleanliness have me hypnotized! Oh, I'm an idiot!"

"You're still talking out loud," called Nazz.

Edd: **_That face, that face  
That dangerous face  
I mustn't be unwise  
Those lips, that nose, those eyes  
Could lead to my demise_**

_**  
That face, that face  
That marvelous face  
I never should begin  
Those cheeks, that neck, that chin  
Will surely do me in**_

_**  
I must be smart  
And hide my heart  
If she's within a mile  
If I don't duck  
I'm out of luck  
She'd kill me with her smile**_

(Edd finally walks out of the stall. Nazz is still waiting. They begin to dance)  
**_That face, that face  
That fabulous faceIt's clear I must beware  
I'm certain if I fall in love  
I'm lost without a trace  
But it's worth it...  
For that face _**

Nazz: **_That face, that face  
That lovable face  
Who knew he'd be my love?_**

Edd: **_I'm certain if I fall in love_**

**_I'm lost without a trace... _**  
Both: **_But it's worth it for..._**

_**That face**_

The song ended. Edd looked around. "Well...this is...awkward. I must go work on those audition schedules now...indeed." Edd quickly ran out, leaving Nazz. What just happened?

Eddy, Edd, Jimmy, Ludwig, and Sarah sat at a stage in the nearby theater building, holding auditions. Jimmy and Sarah weren't sure why Ludwig was wearing "that costume," but they didn't mind.

Jimmy: So far, no one's been decent!

Eddy: Yeah...but no one's been awful, either. (to Double D) We've gotta find someone AWFUL or this plan might not work!

(Johnny and Plank are tap-dancing on the stage)

Johnny: We thought we'd try a little soft-shoe...

Jimmy: NEXT!

(Snoopy walks onstage)

Snoopy: **_Suppertime_**

_**Sup-sup-suppertime...**_

(In reality, no one can hear Snoopy)

Jimmy: No mimes!

(Ed comes on next)

Ed: I need a hug!

Sarah: Get off the stage, loser!

Ed: Aw...

Jimmy: Oh, we'll never find anyone! Pain, anguish, sorrow...

(Jason and Marcus are onstage)

Jason: Here's a quirky little number...

Marcus: 'Have You Ever Heard the Koopa Band?'

Jimmy: No.

Jason: That's the name of the song.

Both: **_Have you ever heard the Koopa Band_**

_**With a bang  
With a boom  
With a bing-bang bing-bang boom **_

Ludwig: STOP! You fools! That's not how Bowser Koopa would sing 'Have You Ever Heard the Koopa Band!' This is how Bowser Koopa would sing 'Have You Ever Heard the Koopa Band!' MUSIC!

Ludwig: **_Have you ever heard the Koopa band  
With a bang  
With a boom  
With a bing-bang bing-bang boom  
Aaah, have you ever heard the Koopa band  
With a bang  
With a boom  
With a bing-bang bing-bang boom _**

_**  
Dreamland folksongs and Hyrule symphonies  
Can't compare with a Koopa song you see  
We're sayin'...  
Have you ever heard the Koopa band  
With a zetz, with a zap, with a zing... **_

_**  
Pokemon stuff, don't start me on that trash  
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that  
Bang-a-langa-bump-a-lumpa-crooky-cranny-CRASH!  
Key change!  
We're sayin'...  
Have you ever heard the Koopa band  
With a zetz, with a zap, with a zing...  
It's the only kind of music  
That we crooks and we villains  
Love to sing! **_

Eddy: That's our Bowser!


	8. Springtime For Bowser

A few days later, the show was ready. Kids were, for some reason, forking over money to see this. One thing that could be said about the kids...they weren't that bright.

Calvin and Hobbes: **_Eddy's new scam_**

_**It's Eddy's new scam**_

_**Here it's a show on the stage**_

_**This one's bound to be real strange**_

_**The seats are filling, the money is paid**_

_**Will Eddy get run out camp today?**_

_**Who knows what happens, will he astound?**_

'_**Cause 'Springtime For Bowser' has come to town!**_

A few feet away, Jimmy, Sarah, Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Ludwig were gathered around at the stage entrance.

"A toast!" cried Ed. "To buttered toast!"

"Indeed," smiled Edd, "this will certainly be a night that we will not forget."

"Ah, I cannot wait!" squealed Jimmy.

"This better be good!" warned Sarah.

Eddy grinned slyly. "It'll be good for someone..."

Nazz walked by, with her Koopa costume on. "Thanks for letting me be in the show, Double D!" She kissed Edd. Everything came to a halt.

"I though we were supposed to split everything!" hissed Eddy, once Nazz left. "I'll let you off this time and pretend that never happened."

Calvin and Hobbes glanced over from their corridor. "Hoo boy," Calvin told his tiger, "I knew I stayed friends with Eddy even after he's plotted against me multiple times! Time for it all to pay off!"

Calvin innocently strolled over with huge watery eyes. "Hey, bestest best friends! Since I'm such a big pal of yours, you're gonna give me a cut of the cash this play makes, right?"

"Sure, why not?" said Eddy. He then whispered under his breathe, "We won't be around to give it!"

"Don't you think we should be suspicious that Eddy's actually going to let you have money?" Hobbes whispered to Calvin.

"Hey, as long as money's coming my way! Good luck, guys!"

"AAAHHHH!" screamed Jimmy. "Calvin, hasn't anyone ever told you...  
**_It's bad luck to say "good luck" on opening night  
If you do, I tell you  
It is certain by the curtain  
You are through! _**

Eddy: Good luck!  
Sarah:**_ It's bad luck to say "good luck" on opening night_**

_**Once it's said, you are dead  
You will get the worst reviews  
You've ever read! **_

Eddy: Good luck!

Edd: **_Even at the Comedie-Francaise,  
On the opening night they are scared"Bon chance, mes amis", no one says  
The only word you ever hear is... _**

Jimmy and Edd: **_Merde! _**

Eddy: Good luck, good luck, good luck

Ludwig: **_It's just crazy, wishing "luck" on opening night  
You'll be tired, not inspired  
And your show will surely end up_**

**_Getting fired_**  
Eddy: Good luck!

Jimmy: **_At the famous La Scala in Milan On opening night it's a rule_**

_**"In boccu lupa" they say with elan  
And just for luck they all shout... **_

Jimmy and Edd: **_"Bah fongool!" _**

(Eddy runs under a ladder three times)  
Calvin: I got it!

_**Now I'll never say "good luck" on opening night  
That's the rule, I'm no fool!  
What do I say, I beg? **_

Edd, Ludwig, Jimmy, Sarah: **_What you say is "break a leg!"_**  
Calvin: Break a leg?  
Edd: Yes, break a leg!  
All: **_If you're clever... _**

Eddy: Good luck!  
All: **_You'll endeavor_**

_**To never, never, never, never  
Ever, ever, ever say...**_

"CRASH!"

(Eddy breaks a mirror with a huge mallet)  
All: **_On opening night! _**

The cast of the play was walking around backstage, getting ready. They were Lucy, Frida, Patty, Violet, Nazz, and many Koopa Troopas. Snoopy sat by a tape player.

"Like, I think the show's supposed to start now," said Nazz.

"Right on it!" Snoopy hit a tape recorder button, starting an overture.

"There's the overture!" cried Edd. "Run, Ludwig! You must go on!"

"Yes!" said Ludwig dramatically. "This shall be my finest hour!" Ludwig dashed backstage. A crash was heard.

"What happened?" called Eddy.

"I broke my leg!" Ludwig called back.

"I didn't know Koopas could break bones..." Edd said quietly.

Jimmy began to panic. "What can we do?" wondered the frantic pacing director. "Give a refund?"

"NEVER!" screeched Eddy. "I didn't go to the Kankers for nothing! Jimmy, you're going on as Bowser!"

Jimmy gasped. "Me? But I get stage fright easily!"

Eddy shoved Jimmy backstage. "Nope, you're going on! Have fun!"

"Eddy, what are you doing?" moaned Edd. "Jimmy would be an even worse Bowser than Ludwig! And he has stage fright!"

"Right! This is really a guaranteed flop!"

Edd caught on. "I see...well, good luck, Eddy!"

"Good luck! Ha ha ha!" The two of them sat down in the audience's back row. The curtain rose as Frieda, Lucy, Violet, and Patty skipped out in front of a crude cardboard set of Darkland.

Girls: **_Our Darkland was having trouble  
What a sad, sad story  
Needed a new leader to restore  
Its former glory  
Where, oh, where was he?  
Where could that guy be?  
We looked around and then we found  
The creep for you and me _**

Koopa Troopa: **_And now it's...  
Springtime for Bowser the Koopa king  
Darkland is happy and gay!  
Goombas, Koopas, and some Shyguys  
Piranha Plants, even Flyguys  
Springtime for Bowser the Koopa king  
Flaming and shaming the 'shrooms  
Springtime for Bowser the Koopa king  
Watch out, Princess  
Your kingdom is doomed  
Springtime for Bowser the Koopa King_**

Nazz: **_Look, it's springtime_**  
Koopa Troopa: **_Winter for plumbers and stuff_**  
All:**_ Springtime for Bowser the Koopa king_**  
Girls: **_Springtime! Springtime!_**

_**Springtime! Springtime!  
Springtime! Springtime!  
Springtime! Springtime! **_

Koopa Troopa: **_Come on, Koopas  
You know we are tough _**

Nazz: **_Bowser is coming!_**

_**Bowser is coming!**_

The audience was annoyed. Not only did they all hate Bowser, but the production seemed very cheap and poorly thrown together...just as Eddy had planned. Everyone was getting up and starting to leave.

"Yes! YES!" squealed Eddy. "It's working!"

"I suggest we get out of here before they kill us!" said Edd.

Just after the two Eds left, Jimmy made his big entrance...actually, Snoopy had to shove him onto the stage. Jimmy sat in silence for a few minutes, to the amusement of the audience. Finally, he began to talk, attempting to seem threatening. "Fear me, all who dare look upon me! Uh...roar! For I, Bowser Koopa, plan to take over the world...and dance!"

The audience began to laugh. Jimmy continued stomping around.

Edd and Eddy, meanwhile, sat around a vending machine, drinking two sodas.

"We did it, Double D!" said Eddy. "A quick drink, and then we ditch this place with our bucks!"

"I assume we'll return when the heat dies down..."

"Yeah, never!"

Back in the theater, everyone was in hysterics. It was the show's climax. A bunch of Koopas in tight-fitting suits were dancing on the stage.

All: **_Springtime for Bowser the Koopa King_**

Jimmy: **_Springtime!_**  
All: **_Doomships all loom-ship in skies_**  
Jimmy: **_Doomships!_**  
All: **_Bullet Bills on the blast again_**

_**Bowser is rising fast again**_

_**Springtime for Bowser the Koopa King  
Princess Peach is gonna cry  
Springtime for Bowser the Koopa King**_

Jimmy and Nazz: **_Means that... _**  
All:**_ Mario's going... _**  
Jimmy: **_Yes, soon he is going... _**  
All: **_You know he is going... _**  
Jimmy: **_You bet he is going... _**  
All: **_Mario is going to DIE!_**

The show received a standing ovation. Edd and Eddy overhead this and turned nervously to each other...

* * *

The whole "Heil Myself" section of the song is gone, as I had no idea how to do it. 


	9. Aftershock

Edd and Eddy trudged into their sparkling clean bathroom. Eddy was holding a copy of the camp's newspaper, which had lots of good reviews.

"Look at these reviews!" yelled Eddy, flipping through the paper. "There's no way out of this!"

Edd was astonished. "Even Kevin liked it! Plank, however, left his blank."

"He always leaves 'em blank! But I bet he loved it! Everyone loved it when they thought we were making fun of Bowser!"

"Soon the kids will figure our plan out!" realized Edd. "Soon the Kankers will figure it out! We won't be able to pay the actors with what we owe them!"

"How could this happen?" Eddy slumped against the wall,  
**_The show was sappy and cute  
It smelled like a bad toot  
Where did we go right? _**

Edd read the paper. "Here's Calvin's review. 'I loved this so much. So did Stupendousman, Spaceman Spiff, and Tracer Bullet...and you know how hard it is to please Bullet. He's a hard-boiled guy, never tolerating dames...' and it sort of gets off-topic here."

Eddy: **_It was so boring and so bland  
It wouldkill Nintendo fans  
Where did we go right? _**

Edd continued. "Sarah's review...'It wasn't the worst thing I've seen. It made me forget about how much I hate Eddy.' That's a compliment from her!"

Both: **_We just keptsearching through those scripts  
For one that was so flipped  
We had tryouts and auditions by the score  
There was no one more uptighter  
Than that moron Koopa writer  
We thought it'd be so bad, they'd be rolling on the floor_**

Eddy: **_They stood and they cheered  
Like they'd just been "King Lear'd"  
Where did we go right? _**

Edd: **_Our leading man was so weird_**

_**There's no way he'd be feared  
Where did we go right? **_

Eddy: **_And though the show's about a louse_**  
Edd: **_Soon we'll be getting a full house_**  
Both: **_Oh, where, oh, where_**

_**Tell us where did we go right**_

Eddy took another look at the paper. "Here's Linus's review...'Surprisingly witty and funny. I have a newfound respect for Eddy.' NOW THEY LIKE ME!" He angrily threw the paper against the wall.

_**And just so we knew it'd be rank**_

Both: **_We gave a solo to Plank_**  
Edd: **_Soon we'll be killed and dead_**  
Eddy: **_We could blame it all on Ed_**

Both: **_Tell us where did we go right!_**

On the song's final line, Eddy lost it and ran around the room, smashing all the clean painted things up, even breaking the urinal again. Eventually, the bathroom was back to its' dirty old self, with no evidence of Nazz cleaning it. Panting, Eddy looked up to see Edd sneaking out. "And where do you think you're going, you wimp?"

"I'm leaving!" Edd said quickly. "I've had enough of all this! You've talking me into doing scams I've never thought of doing before, and I can't stand it! I'll let myself out, thank you very much. If I confess to the kids, they may go easy on me..."

Eddy blocked the door. "You're not going nowhere!"

"And I'm tired of your bad grammar! It's 'anywhere,' not 'nowhere!'"

"Weakling!"

"Yappy! You heard me! Yap-yap-yappy!"

"Real mature..." Eddy said quietly.

"Are you going to yap at me?" taunted Edd. "Oh, I'm so scared! With that screechy voice of yours, you shouldn't be ALLOWED to sing!"

"Oh, you're gonna get it now!"

They sprung at each other when Jimmy and Sarah walked.

"Gentlemen!" smiled Jimmy. "Oh, we've done it! We've made our Broadway hit!"

"Get out," hissed Eddy.

"Pardon?" asked a confused Jimmy.

"GET OUT!"

"STOP YELLING AT HIM, YAPPY!" yelled Sarah.

"Told you," Edd said smugly.

Eddy lost it. "THAT'S IT! NOTHING EVER GOES RIGHT FOR ME AND WHEN IT DOES, IT'S FOR THE WRONG REASON! I HATE ALL OF YOU! GET OUT!"

There was silence. Finally, Jimmy turned to his friend. "I think he means it, Sarah."

"AAAAHHHH!" yelled Eddy.

Sarah started for Jimmy. "We can't let him say that to us after all we've done for him! Let's get him, Jimmy!"

"Give him the old 'one two buckle my shoe!'" suggested Jimmy.

Suddenly, Bowser burst in. The door hit Edd, sending him to flying into a stall.

"WHERE'S...THOSE...KIDS!" roared Bowser. Jimmy and Sarah dashed out to safety,

Ludwig jumped in and pointed at Eddy. "There's one of them! It's all his fault! He ruined you!"

"He's gonna get it! What about the other skinny one?"

"We'll find him later!"

"Right! For now, let's take this one!" The Koopas left with Eddy. Seconds later, Nazz walked in. "Wow..." she said, scanning the room, "they must have had some party to dirty up this place so much..."

Edd sighed. "Oh, Nazz...if only you knew. I must end our relationship."

"What?"

"I can't explain it, Nazz. It's just...not safe. Now I must save Eddy!" Edd sadly left a confused Nazz.

Edd: **_So much for me being in love_**

_**She's lost without a trace**_

**_It was worth it for that face_**

* * *

This was a pretty fun chapter to write. I especially like the song. 


	10. Eddy On Trial

Eddy found himself in the courtroom of the Koopas in their castle. He was surrounded by Koopalings and Magikoopas. Bowser, naturally, was the judge. "Eddy!" he roared. "You are charged with humiliating me and tricking my already stupid son! How do you plead?"

"Uh...innocent?"

Bowser rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. We could probably do some whole big courtroom thing, but we all know that I'm gonna find you guilty. See, that's just how it goes, right?"

"I don't like this," said Eddy lowly.

"We love it!" Larry Koopa called from the jury.

Eddy turned frantically to Iggy and Lemmy. "You two are my lawyers! Do something!"

Iggy and Lemmy stood up. "Judge dad," started Lemmy, "can we..."

"...defend Eddy a little?" finished Iggy.

"Let me see...NO!"

Iggy and Lemmy sat down. "We tried," said Iggy.

"Did not!" snapped Eddy.

"Doesn't matter," said Lemmy. "We were just going to help them find you guilty."

"You Koopas are all against me!" yelled Eddy.

"Well, DUH!" replied everyone else in the courtroom.

"Dang it."

Edd suddenly bust in. "Stop! You can't do this to poor Eddy!"

Bowser calmly looked up. "Hey, it's that other guy," he said without a lot of emotion. "This saves us a lot of searching and kidnaping, actually. Thanks a lot."

Eddy sprang over to his friend. "Double D! Wow! I never thought..." he suddnely stopped. "Wait, why'd you come to help me? I'm just getting you in trouble."

"Yeah," said Bowser, "are you planning to go psycho on all of us and escape with your friend or something?"

"Oh, perish the thought, your honor!" said Edd. "You see, I came to say...

_**No one every made me feel like someone  
'Til him  
Life was really nothing but a glum one  
'Til him  
My existence bordered on the tragic  
Always timid, never took a chance  
Then I felt his magic  
And my heart began to dance **_

_**  
I was always frightened, fraught with worry...  
'Til him  
I was going nowhere in a hurry  
'Til him  
He filled up my empty life  
Filled it to the brim  
There could never ever beAnother one...like him **_

"Oh, man..." Eddy said quietly. "I never thought you actually, you know, cared."

"Of course I did. Don't you?"

"Well, I was more in it for the money," admitted Eddy. "I figured you were, too...but, now that I think about it...

_**No one ever ever really knew me  
'Til him  
Everyone was always out to screw me  
'Til him  
Never met I man I ever trusted  
Always dealt with shysters in the past**_

(Eddy glares at Iggy and Lemmy who simply wave back)**_  
Now I'm well adjusted  
'Cause I've got a friend at last _**

_**  
Always playing singles, never doubles  
'Til him  
Never had a pal to share my troubles  
'Til him **_

Edd: **_He filled up my empty life _**  
Eddy: **_Filled it to the brim _**  
Both: **_There could never ever be_**

_**Another one...like him **_

"Oh, go do a slash fic!" groaned Bowser. "I find both of them guilty!"

"Uh-oh."

Mario and Luigi suddenly jumped in. They randomly started beating up the Koopas, followed by Calvin, Hobbes, Jason, and Marcus.

Edd was amazed. "Oh. Well, this is lucky."

"What the heck are you guys doing here?" asked Eddy as Morton Koopa flew by, on fire.

"Well," explained Calvin, "we saw the Koopas around camp and figured you guys were in trouble when you disappeared. So we got Mario and Luigi to come help us!"

"Well, that's good," said Eddy. "We don't have to pay you, right?"

* * *

I always feel like I'm breaking a sacred rule when I show adults with the Eds. Still, the Marios adn Bowserare hardly REAL adults. However, ones like Calvin's parents will never be shown in the same scene as the Eds or Peanuts characters. It's only natural...actually, that's broken in my other fic, _Hunchback of Notre Ed,_ so I've really screwed up. Dang. 


	11. Evil Tim: The Musical

A few days later, everything had returned to normal. Ed had even written a musical about his favorite comic book, _Evil Tim._ Eddy figured since Bowser was a flop that ended up being great, if they did _Tim _the same way (aside from the deranged Koopa writer), they would have more money!

Edd, on the other hand, was happy to learn the kids didn't know a thing about legal money terms, so he wasn't in trouble with them for trying out this whole thing in the first place, although he still felt guilty.

Right now, Jimmy was directing the chorus girls with Edd and Eddy. Edd hadn't yet patched things up with Nazz, but was hoping to.

(To the tune of "Prisoners of Love")

Girls: **_That Evil Tim  
Beware of him  
He will preform a curse_**

(Eddy: Tempo, ladies! Pick up the tempo!)  
Girls: **_That Evil Tim_**

**_He looks real grim_**  
(Edd: A little lighter on the feet!)  
Girls: **_And then there's nothing worse_**  
(Jimmy: Sing out, now! Let them hear you in the locker rooms!)

(Eddy: You want them to come out and beat us up?)  
Girls: **_Oh, we'll just run and run_**

_**But he'll run, too  
Oh, Evil Tim  
How we fear you  
That Evil Tim  
Beware of him  
'Cause we'll be running **_

(Eddy: Take it home! We open on Friday!))  
Girls: **_We'll be running_**

**_We'll be running from Tim!_**  
Eddy clapped wildly. "You did good! And we're gonna be rich!"

"What did you think, Ed?" Edd asked the writer.

"Gravy!"

"Next stop, Broadway!" cried Eddy.  
Girls: **_Oh, Evil Tim, how we fear you!_**

Soon the girls and Jimmy were on stage in front of an audience that was hoping for something satirical, like last time...  
Girls and Jimmy: **_That Evil Tim_**

_**Beware of him  
He will preform a curse  
That Evil Tim  
He looks real grim  
And then there's nothing worse  
Oh, we'll just run and runBut he'll run, too  
Oh, Evil Tim  
How we fear you  
That Evil Tim  
Beware of him  
'Cause we'll be running  
We'll be running  
We'll be running from Tim!  
Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

_**Tim!**_

Eddy sat down outside of camp and sighed deeply. This show had indeed been satirical on the otherwise gothic comic, but no one in the audience read it. Therefore, the jokes were lost. They had failed. "Well, at least we've got the money from last time, right?"

Edd stumbled over, beaten up and covered in lipstick marks. "Actually, no. I felt rather guilty about the scam, so I...gave back the money."

"You WHAT?"

Edd smiled. "But don't you see? We can only go up from here! Besides, everything's back to normal!"

"Yeah," Eddy said, also smiling, "and the story's over, anyway. You're right! We'll just keep on scamming!"

Ed burst out. "Optimism!" The three Eds gazed into the sunset over the campus where their camp was located. It was truly beautiful.  
Eddy and Edd: **_Eddy and Edd_**

_**We used our heads  
Back strolling around camp  
Eddy and Edd  
We're now ahead  
We'll be on top to stay!  
So when we take your money, never fear  
A decent scam may soon be near  
The cast is great  
The script is swell  
But this we're tellin' you, sirsIt's just no go, you got no show  
Without the producers!**_

Ed, Edd, and Eddy: **_We'll never quit_**

_**Hit after hit  
Stiff and steady  
But always ready  
Ed, Edd, Eddy  
That's us!**_

Eds and Chorus: **_They're a trio of great scheming Eds_**

Edd: **_Thanks for coming to see our show_**  
Nazz: **_Sad to tell you we've got to go_**  
Ludwig: **_Grab your hat and head for the door_**  
Jimmy and Sarah:**_ In case you didn't notice, there ain't any more! _**  
Lucy, Frida, Patty, Violet, Snoopy: **_If you like our show tell ev'ryone but..._**  
Eddy: **_If you think it stinks, keep your big mouth shut! _**  
Calvin and Hobbes: **_We're glad you came but we have to shout_**  
Jason and Marcus: **_Adios _**

Bowser and Koopalings aside from Ludwig: **_Au revoir_**

Mario and Luigi: **_Wiedersehen_**

Charlie Brown, Linus, Rerun, Franklin, Schroder, Peppermint Patty, Marcie: **_Ta-ta-ta_**  
Ed and Kankers (who are attacking him): **_Goodbye_**

Rolf, Kevin, Johnny: **_Get lost_**

Blue Paratroopa: **_Get out!_** It's over!

* * *

There's the fic. That was a lot of fun to write. I considered having Edd and Eddy duet in "There's Nothing Like Some Kids For Scamming" to the tune of "Nothing Like a Show On Broadway" but I was too lazy to write it. Maybe in a future story...stay tuned for...The Calvin at Camp Muppet Movie! 


End file.
